Mommy Struggles

I struggle so often with this question, that perhaps some of you can answer: how do I be the parent to my children that both sets boundaries & standards (e.g. you need to follow this moral code and be a good citizen) while also instilling in them, without a shadow of a doubt, that no matter what they do, I will love them completely and entirely.  In the most basic sense, and perhaps the most extreme example, I want and NEED them to know that, unequivocally, killing someone is bad, but if - god forbid - that happened, I would still love them. Is it possible to teach that? Is it wrong? Is it right? If it's wrong, I don't care.  I will always love them, completely and entirely.

I remember in my teenage years, my mom trying to impress upon me that if I ever got into trouble (drinking, drugs, pregnancy, whatever) that she would be there for me. And I remember thinking to myself, "yeah, right." Not that I ever took the time to really think about if she would be there - in the end, if I had, I know she would be - but more that I was so incredibly anti-disappointing her that I never considered actually being honest with her. Luckily I was never put to the test with those situations, but if I had been, I fear I would have lied and hidden it from my parents. The last thing I wanted to do was disappoint them, and while I always knew they would love me and support me, I didn't want to let them down.  And thus, I would have lied to them. And that is absolutely the last thing I want my girls to do with me. But how do I teach that? Is it even possible? Are there any kids out there that actually would feel comfortable telling their parents the complete truth?  Calling them to drive them home from a party in highshool when they shouldn't have been driving themselves? I remember being in those situations and always choosing the shorter-term option, even if it wasn't the smarter option. And my parents were amazing, they said and did all the right things.

I wish I knew the answer. I wish there was a way to let my girls know that even if they call me drunk from a party in highschool and need a ride home, I will do it and will love them just as much that day as I did the day before.  That if they get into a situation where they need my help but are mortified or afraid of the consequences, that there may be consequences, but those consequences will never involve my love, my support, my unfailing adoration of them.  I know I can tell them that a million times over, but how do I say it in such a way that they hear me, they believe me, they trust me?

If you have the answer, I would love to hear it. It terrifies me. I desperately need them to know that their first line of defense, their first call for help, their first plea for salvation should always be me.  I will always always always be there for them, be their #1 defender and greatest support system.  I will love them no matter what.  Of course I want nothing more than them to be good people, responsible members of society, nice and selfless and kind. But in their darkest moments, which we all have, I hope they always know that their dad and I will love them to the moon and back, no matter what.