Sometimes the days are realllllllllly long

Today was a good day.  EJ went to school, Nora hung with me. I picked EJ up from school and rather than going home for naps, we went to Amy's house for the afternoon since I knew Omar had to work late. This was win-win: EJ got to play with her bestie Elliott, and I got to spend time with my bestie Amy.  Plus Nora naps anywhere and Amy has a new baby so basically we spend our time sitting around nursing our nuggets while making sure our toddlers don't kill each other.

The fine line always is missing the nap. On the one hand, she only actually naps every 3 days or so. On the other hand, at the end of the week adding on a super-awesome 5 hour playdate with her favorite playmate is a recipe for exhaustion. Which leads me to the looooooooooooooong part of the day, and what people without kids probably don't understand: a really great day can become an agonizingly long day so very quickly, and in just the final hour or two before bedtime.

We got home. There were tears on her part just getting out of the car (how dare I ask her to carry in her bookbag, didn't I know how HEAVY it was???)  EJ needed dinner but didn't want to eat anything I made nor actually sit down.  In the final 30 minutes of her day between arriving home and eating dinner, she went to timeout 4 times. At bedtime, getting her upstairs and ready for bed was another massive fight that ended in tears for both of us and makes me worried about the teenage years.  And all I can think is that such a fun day, one that involved laughing, learning, singing, running, jumping, climbing, exploring, and getting dirty (in a good way) could end so badly, so that her last memories of the day were of frustration, anger, and tears. That's not how I want her day to end. That's not what I want her childhood to be filled with, and yet so many days end that way. I hope I am not the only mom who can claim that.

So, after I left her crying, locked in her bedroom, seeing red because she refused to put on her pullup and I couldn't physically force her nor mentally threaten her to do it, I sat and cried at the top of the stairs and realized that I shouldn't have to take either of those approaches, and I didn't want her day to end that way.  And my amazing husband came home (FINALLY) from work right at that moment and said the magic words that all wives want to hear: 'What can I do to help" and I was able to unload on him and rather than crucifying me for my appalling actions he said he understood and we have all been there (which I don't know if I believe but it did make me feel better).

And then I was able to pull it together and go back in there and apologize to my daughter. Because I think it is important to always say you are sorry, to admit when you have behaved badly, to own it. And I held her and hugged her and kissed her all over and let her know how very much I love her, and how she is the most important little person in my life. And I can only hope and pray that her take-away from tonight, what she remembers, is that her mom is a normal person who can make mistakes and act badly, but that at the end of it all, her mom is also someone who can own her mistakes, say she is sorry, and that - NO MATTER WHAT - I love her more than life.

She got lots of extra snuggles from me. And probably the authors of the kid discipline books out there would be horrified by my actions (since, let's be honest, she was a total nightmare and rather than standing my ground I totally folded and wrapped her in hugs and kisses and love), but I'm ok with that.  Sometimes we all need to take a step back, take a deep breath, and look at the bigger picture and the smaller moments. My big picture here was that no one is more important or loved than my daughter. My smaller moment is that she was shattered, and she needed my love. And she got it. She always will.

The truth about going from 1 to 2 kids

My peeps

If you follow my blog then you are familiar with my concerns before Nora was born about having a second child. Will I neglect Everett because I have a second human being to keep alive? Will Everett be upset/jealous/left out/sad to have to share me with her new sister?  But most importantly: Will I be able to love the new baby as much as I love Everett?  

Of course everyone tells you not to worry, that it becomes even better, that it all works itself out. And one part of me said "they can't all be wrong" while the other, secret part of me whispered "they have to say that in order to not feel guilty and look like a bad mom."

So, here's the truth. The I've-had-two-glasses-of-wine-after-too-little-sleep, bare-bones truth. 

My loves

They were right. 100% right. If I am being completely honest, I think I fell in love with Nora much faster than I did with EJ.  And this is why: with your first child (at least for me) you aren't sure what to expect. You are terrified and thrown to the wolves. You have no idea what you are doing or what comes next. For me, it was such an enormous life change that it took me a bit of time to totally get it, to completely fall into a drowning, all-encompassing love with my daughter. Of course I loved her, but I didn't have that huge BOOM moment when she was born like you see in the movies and read about in the books. It was a gradual obsession (that has turned into a full-on, complete over-the-top obsession that perhaps could/should be a Lifetime Movie) and it took a while. It took a while to get to know her, to get to know me as a mom and Omar and I as "parents". It was all such a new experience, a new label, a new way of being. And let's be honest: newborns are basically blobs.

But when Nora was born, there was none of that learning curve. I already understood how awesome she was going to be, the amazing person she would become.  I was also incredibly aware of just how quickly the time would pass and how the stages would fly. And so I was able to appreciate every second from the moment she was born. I was acutely aware of just how quickly that newborn blob stage would go and rather than looking ahead to the next "milestone" she might hit, I was able to just BE in the moment, soak it all in, and appreciate and love her for exactly who and what she was that second. In pondering all of this for this blog post, I have often wondered if the drama and stress we went through when she was born has anything to do with this. I am guessing it does. That experience really drove home how precious a happy, healthy baby is and made me appreciate her even more. 

But regardless, I know this is true: Everett taught me how to love a child. She paved the way for her sister, and I love Nora hugely and all-encompassingly only because EJ showed me how. I can honestly say that I really and truly don't have a favorite, and don't love one more than the other - our parents weren't kidding about that (slightly disappointing, I was SURE I was my parents' favorite). But I do admit to falling in love with Nora faster, and that is only due to the amazing gift that EJ gave me in teaching me to love another being in a way that I never knew until she was born. 

And you know what else is just as awesome as everyone claimed? Seeing the two of them love and enjoy each other. Everett is so much more amazing than I could have ever anticipated with Nora. She adores her baby sister and is as sweet as can be with her (this is a slight change from my relationship with MY little sister growing up - I was not exactly the nicest, most loving big sis when we were little, but to be fair, she was super-annoying). And Nora clearly loves her big sister, she watches everything she does and saves the best belly laughs for her. I can't wait to see them grow together and all the years of fun (and I am sure some fighting too) they have ahead of them. 

BFFs!

It's hard to remember what it was like with only 1 child. I am so thankful for the 3 years Everett and I had together. But I will totally own the cliche and say "I wouldn't change it for the world."  My two girls are the most amazing little people on this planet and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

My life would be so empty without these people.

Nora P is 7 months old!

Where oh where does the time go?  Has it really been SEVEN MONTHS since this little nugget graced our presence? It has been such an amazing, exhausting, enlightening seven months, made all the better by this kid's huge gummy smile every time you look at her.  She is SUCH an easy baby. I feel like everyone says that, we even said it about Everett. But even Everett wasn't this easy.  We have had exactly ONE time when she cried for no (apparent) reason and we weren't able to immediately fix it...and that only lasted maybe 10 minutes.  She is so sweet-natured and easy to read. She is, for the most part, a fantastic sleeper. She likes everyone and is indiscriminate with her smiles and affection.  I have told Omar numerous times that if I could guarantee another baby like her, I would be 100% in for having a 3rd.

Here she is showing off her first tooth.
Don't worry if you can't see it, it has still barely come in.

My super-happy girl.